How to Make Your Husband Want you all of the Time: A deep dive look in to what key factors could turn things around in your marriage.
Wow, this is a good one. As a 21 year veteran in a relationship, I’ve been asked to share a dudes perspective on this topic and I’m happy to. Guys, I’d love to hear from you at the end. Do you agree? Would you add anything? Let me know in the comments below.
Ladies, first and foremost…. everyone is different and for the most part the type of “want” can vary. So as I dig in, don’t be sending me hate mail or putting me on blast. This is my perception, my truth.
How to Make Your Husband Want you all of the Time
I could take the easy road with this question and have answers like:
- more sex
- clean up
- dress up
…but that’s just a surface level line of crap. Let’s get real about what’s going on.
First, relationships are an evolution not a revolution. We are going in a direction… not in a circle back to where we started. So don’t look in the rearview mirror for this answer… look ahead.
Now…why do you think he needs to want you more?
Ask yourself that question.
Getting to the “why” of the reason you’re wanting the answer to this question in the first place is key.
- Is it a lack of confidence in yourself?
- Is it noticeable behavior changes in your husband? (i.e. going to the bar often, spending too much time on his phone, disconnecting from family, staying in bed, etc.)
I wish I could answer this part for you, but this is going to take a self-audit from you, to come up with the “why”. Because when you’re not aware of your own self, truth, and emotions, it’s like bringing a knife to a gunfight.
To do this self-audit, it may require a mentor or counselor to help speak truth in to your life to help you discover any underlying thoughts or beliefs that you may be experiencing during this time as well.
Meeting with someone and getting these answers will help you understand and may possibly even help you discover what your husband is currently experiencing.
The Severity of the Situation
This is also something that is important to comprehend at this point.
Is this a matter of making some quick, simple changes or are you in an emergency situation that will determine the future of your relationship with your husband?
If you’re in an emergency situation, you should immediately seek help with a professional counselor or visit a local church and get a recommendation from your pastor.
If you’re looking for some quick, simple changes… as a dude, here’s what I recommend:
What to do…
Ladies, it’s quick and simple. Ask him the questions that you have and keep in mind to do it with a kind tone. No angry or defensive tones needed or desired here. This could backfire on you and be worse off than where you started. But you should also expect the same mutual respect.
Examples of the Type of Questions to Ask Him
At this point, you may be thinking of something more serious like cheating or unhappiness with you, but do know that this may not be what it is at all, so jumping to conclusions or accusations won’t be helpful.
So what should you ask him? Here are a couple common questions I recommend:
“What can I do to stoke the fire in our relationship? “
After asking this question, don’t take “I don’t know” for an answer.
By nature he is selfish so he will probably say some surface-level stuff… but don’t buy it.
“What is it that makes you spend more time (elsewhere) than with me?”
This could be a little more complicated, but could still get to the root of a bigger issue.
When it comes to “too much time away from home” respecting his space is important and some time alone could very well be something that he needs. However, this is a topic that could very well be the conversation you need to be having. (What’s a good balance for the both of you? Do you think it’s too much time away and he doesn’t? Perhaps compromise and explain how it makes the both of you feel.)
After asking these questions, keep in mind…
What is at his core? What emotion is driving his thinking?
Also keep in mind emotions are nonsensical and hard to understand.
And try to understand what is going on at the root in his mind, not the root in his pants.
During this conversation, remember it takes two to make this happen so instead of accusing him (pointing the finger with blame) pull back and try to explore how you both can tackle this challenge.
Your response to his answers could be something like:
” I want to work on us… will you work with me?”
“Do you genuinely want this too?”
If you both are on board, prepare for a lifetime of working on “us”. It won’t be perfect from here, but rather it will always take “work”.
Important Things to Remember:
- Learn to manage yourself. You can not make him do anything and you can not keep him from himself. I don’t know if any truer words have been spoken to me, and I’ve lived by this ever since. (It’s not only helpful to remember in marriage but in friendships, business, and all relationships.)
- When you work on yourself (emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.) you’re more of who you are and give him the 100% version of you and not the 50%. Use this time to create the best version of you, for you!
- I could say “dress sexier”, “lose weight”, “fulfill his needs” and those are fine if they’re important to you… but come from a place of being genuine, not being fake for a period of time and then decent.
I know us males can be dumb animals but we sense “fake” from a mile away.
And remember that you can always tell your lies to others but you cannot lie to yourself and this will shine through in your relationship. Sometimes we all get in the way of ourselves… so move over and watch what kind of potential comes from it.
The Truth Isn’t Always Pretty
Not hearing what you wanted to? The truth never comes wrapped in a gift box with a nice bow.
Keep your mind open. More than likely, your husband loves you no matter what… but sometimes we are just plain stupid and we don’t know the damage we are creating…many times until it’s too late… so please have grace.
Ready to Tackle
Ok so now you have mentally pumped yourself up and now it’s time to take action.
- Love him.
- Don’t change him.
- Get healthy mentally and physically.
- Create balance and equanimity for you.
- Become the calm in the storm.
- Bring the sexy back for you.
- Then bring the approach to your husband about working together on your marriage.
It becomes a mathematical equation at this point with enough time + devotion to yourself + playing the long game with your husband and it = the best of everything.
Do not give up. You didn’t google “How to make your husband want you all of the time” to quit.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Do you realize how much shit it takes to make grass green?
Yes, slap him on the butt and tell him you love him. I’m not sure there’s a man out there that wouldn’t like that.
Share your journey with him and make sure he knows it’s for the both of you even though it begins with you.
Once he buys in the fun begins!
You, by nature, are fighting a very difficult road when most people bail. So congratulations.
You are here for a reason, so do not take it lightly. Jumpstart the dead battery then get in the car and drive!
I love that movie, “Fried Green Tomatoes” where Cathy Bates is trying like hell to turn her husband on and do all the “right things” but he doesn’t get it until she works on and discovers herself. He then gets a slap to the face like waking someone up who has been knocked out.
The first step and lesson is… to get started. It’s messy and it’s supposed to be… fail and get back up and do it again. Don’t quit.
Ok I’m sounding like a sweet motivational youtube video so I’ll stop there.
Go be great. We, as husbands, love you and we need you. Sometimes we don’t get that… but when we do, we become WITH you.